MOMO SUSHI SHACK

Momo Sushi Shack sounds like some strip-mall SHIT HOLE where your FATASS midwestern relatives shovel pounds of MAGGOT COVERED WINN DIXIE FISH into their mouths and FART LEE GREENWOOD SONGS to each other like a couple a half-retarded blue whales passing in the night, BUT IT’S NOT LIKE THAT SO STOP TALKIN’ LIKE YOU KNOW – YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT!

This is some FANCY MOTHERFUCKING SUSHI, it’s DAINTY AS SHIT, with little piles of raw (FRESH, NON-MAGGOT) fish, mayonnaise and wasabi arranged just so on top of some perfectly cooked rice. You’re going to feel like BUSHWICK’S BIGGEST PUSSY ASS trying to delicately wedge each of these FAT FUCKING WADS OF ARTISTRY in your face hole without looking like a DRUNK redneck in front of a plate of fried pork rinds.  If you’re feeling all self-conscious around all this BEAUTIFUL FUCKING FOOD, order the Pork Betty, which is ugly as shit, and then BEAT ITS ASS WITH THE UGLY STICK some more by dropping a 6-minute egg on top.

Pork Betty – MONSTER JAM
Spicy Mc Bomb – Jam
Mc Low Bomb – Jam
Pink Bomb – MONSTER JAM
Spicy Una Bomb – MONSTER JAM

Jam to Crap Score: 8/10, 80%

*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*

43 Bogart Street
Brooklyn, NY 11206
(718) 418-6666

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KYOTO SUSHI


FUCKING CHRIST this place is BLAZING-ASS FAST.  It’s COLD and at your FUCKING DOORSTEP 10 minutes after you ordered it. (Hold the fuck on for a second, I think someone’s at my door.  OH SHIT!  It’s Kyoto… but I didn’t order anything!)  Kyoto would like nothing better than to CRAM a ton of sushi in your face RIGHT NOW, MOTHERFUCKER. They keep your debit card and address on file, so you order and BLIZZZOOOOOOOW,  YOU’RE DONE! I’m not even sure this place HAS a home – they’re just UP IN YOUR SHIT with whatever EXPEDIENTLY as fuck.

This place brings the DEALZ too – the chirashi weighs a FUCK TON, costs almost NOTHING and it’s DANK AS HELL. I like my shit RAW but the beef negima and tuna tatake KILL IT AND GRILL IT. The Gozira Roll is a MONSTER JAM NAMED AFTER A FUCKING MONSTER – these dudes are obviously GENIUSES!

Chirashi: MONSTER JAM
Beef Negima Teriyaki: MONSTER JAM
Seaweed Salad: Jam
Crazy Shrimp Roll: MONSTER JAM
Gozira Roll: MONSTER JAM
Rainbow Roll: Jam
California Sunshine Roll: Jam
Uni: Jam
Tuna Tatake: MONSTER JAM

Jam to Crap Score: 14/18 – 77.77%

*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*

161 Nassau Ave
Brooklyn, NY 11222
(718) 383-8882

Review by: DJ ABYSMAL SANDWICH

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