PRUNEPosted: June 17, 2011 | Author: DJ MONSTER JAM | Filed under: THE MONSTER JAM REPORT, EAST VILLAGE, BRUNCH, FANCY ORGANIC SHIT | Leave a comment »
I usually don’t give A RAT’S SQUIRRLEY FUCKING ASS about some DUMBASS brunch! And, why, why you ask? WELL SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND AND I’LL TELL YOU —- DAMN! (8=====D~~~~)!!!! It’s RED AND MOTHERFUCKING YELLOW on repeat!! Cus those are the only COLORS on a brunch plate!! It’s some FUCKING BORING over priced eggs drenched in red sauce (WHO GIVES A SHIIIIIT????) *PUKE* BLEHHHHHHH!!!!! But, guess what?! There’s a brunch out there that proved MY SAD STUPID LITTLE ASS WRONG and it’s the MAD DECE brunch at Prune.
Seriously, I would suck some REBUPLICAN DONKEY DICK for this brunch it rules THAT FUCKING HARD. First of all, don’t even get me started on the Bloody Mary’s. Usually, I can take or leave these BORING ASS SHITS, but JESUS ON A FUCKING POGO STICK they’re FUCKIN WAILIN ON DAT AZZZZ!!!!! The Matchbox is my fave, with a SICK ARRANGEMENT of pickled vegetables that makes me feel like 007 ON A COKE BINGE, and it comes with a shot of BOB MARLEY’S GLASS BONG OF CHOICE RED STRIPE. If that wasn’t enough, the food is OFF THE MOTHERFUCKING CHARTS. The Spaghetti A La Carbonara rips a hole in Bitali’s ass, with just the right amount of cream sauce and bacon. The Eggs “En Cocotte”, or as I like to call it THE BEST FRIGGIN’ ‘WHO CAME UP WITH THIS FUCKING MEAL?’ OF ALL TIME should be put in a baby’s bottle ‘cus I WILL SLURP THAT SHIT UP (Daaaaaaamn!). If you’re feeling like you want the meal equal to NUT HUGGER JEANS, HOUSE MUSIC, AND STUPID QUESTIONS get the Youth Hostel Breakfast-it doesn’t suck. Another jam is the stewed chikpeas, it gives some sweaty Moroccan eggs a run for its money. Word on the street is, a certain Brooklyn based actress BLEW UP THE DAMN BATHROOM THIS PLACE IS SO SICK. Not naming names, but it rhymes with SAGGY STICK ‘N BALLZ.
Spaghetti A La Carbonara – MONSTER JAM
Youth Hostel Breakfast – Jam
Egg “En Cocotte” – MONSTER JAM
Spicy Stewed Chickpeas – Jam
Fresh Ricotta – Jam
Box Car Blood Mary – MONSTER JAM
Jam To Crap Score: 9/12 – *75.0%*
*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*
54 E 1st St
New York, NY 10003
Review by: D. SCOTT SPINNEY