CARACAS AREPA BAR

Prepare to get BITCH SLAPPED BY SOME HOT CORN when you go to Caracas! The GODDAMN NEW YORK TIMES claims Venezuela’s economy is dominated by the oil industry. Well guess what?! My ASS GOT DOMINATED by these tasty hot pockets drenched and fried in oil. I had a fucking Bolivarian Revolution all up in my face when I DOUBLE FISTED the Los Muchachos AND the La Del Gato!! Any of the meat filled arepas RULE HARD, but for your pansy ass, Rusted Root listening hippie friend visiting you from the place where 30 year olds go to die, aka SAN FUCKSCUCKO, take them here and tell them to put some SICK ASS  guayanés cheese, fried sweet plantains and avocado slices in their pieholes and shut the FUCKKKKKK UP!

On every table a condiment the color of GARFIELD’S FAT ASS can MAKE IT RAIN ON THOSE AREPAS!! A MOTHERFUCKER of a beer cocktail called the Michelada is like five rowdy spring breaks in your mouth, and if your dumb ass forgot to have a V8, might as well get the chips and guacamole, seeing as they come out with a basket of about 5 different kinds of chips!! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAPPING ME WITH THOSE CHIPS?! The only stinker I’ve had were the Yoyos, which tasted like a homeless crap outside of the Dunkin Doughnuts after some binge drinking.

Los Muchachos – MONSTER JAM
La Del Gato – MONSTER JAM
La Sureña- MONSTER JAM
La Silvestre (salad) – Jam
Yoyos – Crap!
Michelada – MOTHERFUCKER
Guasacaca & Chips – MONSTER JAM

Jam To Crap Score: 11/14 – *78.6%*

93 1/2 E 7th St.
New York, NY 10009
(718) 218-6050
www.caracasarepabar.com

Review by: D. SCOTT SPINNEY