GRAND SICHUAN INTERNATIONAL
Posted: May 10, 2011 | Author: DJ MONSTER JAM | Filed under: CHINESE FOOD, THE MONSTER JAM REPORT | Leave a comment »
The hot pot comes with two broths. One side is this pretty mild but flavorful chicken based broth, but the other side is SATAN’S NUCLEAR FLAMING HELL PIT OF ETERNAL FIRE AND SUFFERING. If you can’t handle spicy food then just stay the hell away.
Be prepared to put in some serious time on the crapper the next morning. You will definitely walk away with a bit of the ‘ol RING STING. OUCH!
If you’re lucky enough to be seated downstairs, there’s a futon mattress that anyone can just pass out on once you’ve eaten yourself into a food coma. Very Handy!!
Sliced Beef – MONSTER JAM
Bok Choy – MONSTER JAM
Clear Rice Noodles – Jam
Wheat Noodles – MONSTER JAM
Abelone Mushrooms – Crap!
Shitake Mushrooms – MONSTER JAM
Chinese Cabbage – Jam
Wontons – MONSTER JAM
Pork Dumplings – Jam
Peanut Sauce – Jam
Spicy Sauce – MONSTER JAM
Spicy Peanut Sauce Combo – MONSTER JAM
Jam To Crap Score: 19/24 – *79.1%*
125 Canal St
New York, NY 10002
(212) 625-9212
PETER PAN DONUTS
Posted: May 10, 2011 | Author: DJ MONSTER JAM | Filed under: DESSERT, GREENPOINT, THE MONSTER JAM REPORT | 1 Comment »
Let’s just call a spade a spade – this place is the HOLY GRAIL MOTHERFUCKER of all donut stores so you better FUCKIN RECOGNIZE! Everything these people make tastes like god is squirting pure heaven into your mouth. These people don’t understand how to make any SHITTY tasting food, so if you’re really craving something that’s SHITTY then you’ll have to go somewhere else because they won’t be able to help you. They only know how to make shit that tastes FUCKING AMAZING here, OK? You could walk into this place with a bag over your head and tell the person working there to “SURPRISE THE SHIT OUT OF ME”, and rest assured that whatever the fuck it is is going to TASTE GREAT!
My favorite shit here is the old-fashioned cake donuts and the boston creme. Like I said before (in case you weren’t listening) – EVERYTHING HERE RULES SO JUST FUCKING BUY SOMETHING AND STOP WHINING AND BITCHING ABOUT IT – DAMN!
Old Fashioned Donut – MONSTER JAM
Boston Creme Donut – MONSTER JAM
Whatever The Fuck Donut – MONSTER JAM MONSTER JAM MONSTER JAM…..
Coffee – Jam
Jam To Crap Score: 7/8 – *87.5%*
*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*
727 Manhattan AveBrooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 389-3676
BAHN MI
Posted: May 10, 2011 | Author: DJ MONSTER JAM | Filed under: PHO, THE MONSTER JAM REPORT, WILLIAMSBURG | Leave a comment »
You wanna know what really FUCKIN RULZ HARD? I don’t care if you wanna know. I’m gonna tell you anyways. Like I was saying, FINALLY having a fuckin DECENT pho spot in the neighborhood really FUCKIN RULZ HARD, THAT’S WHAT. I don’t have to take the STUPID ASS SUBWAY to Chinatown every time I want a bowl of decent PHO – FUCK YES! SIGN ME UP, MOTHERFUCKER!
But let me get some shit straight here before we go any further with all of this. This place can be a bit up and down and all over the place with how they bring THEIR RUCKUS. Sometimes I’ll go in there and be like “OH FUCK FUCK FUCK YES!” and then other times I’ll be all “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!” If you’re gonna get pho make sure you eat it there because it FUCKIN SUCKS when you get it delivered. All the shit that goes in it needs to stew around to make it AWESOME. The lemongrass bahn mi sandwiches are pretty FUCKIN DOPE-ASS MONSTER JAMS all the time here. The spring rolls are whatever and the bubble tea is solid. This place has another location on Bedford but I recommend going to this one. The one on Bedford gives NASTY FUCKIN STALE BREAD sometimes.
Pho Classic – MONSTER JAM
Chicken Pho – Jam
Spring Rolls – Jam
Bubble Tea – MONSTER JAM
Lemongrass Bahn Mi Sandwich – MONSTER JAM
Jam To Crap Score: 8/10 – *80.0%
*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*
580 Grand StBrooklyn, NY 11206
(718) 599-5015
PROSPERITY DUMPLING
Posted: May 10, 2011 | Author: DJ MONSTER JAM | Filed under: CHINESE FOOD, DUMPLINGS, THE MONSTER JAM REPORT | Leave a comment »
I hit this place for the first time today and I almost LOST MY SHIT. I walked out of here with THIRTY FIVE dumplings and 2 sesame pancakes for $9! That’s right, NINE BUCKS FOR 35 DUMPLINGS AND TWO PANCAKES!?!? WTF???!!! Has anyone told these people that they live in New York City? I hope not!
Pork and Chive Steamed Dumplings – MONSTER JAM
Veggie and Pork Steamed Dumplings – Jam
Pork and Chive Fried Dumplings – MOTHERFUCKER
Sesame Pancake with Veggies – Jam
Jam to Crap Score: 6.5/8 – 81.25%
*Certified Crap Free*
46 Eldridge St
New York, NY 10002
(212) 343-0683
MESA COYOACAN
Posted: May 10, 2011 | Author: DJ MONSTER JAM | Filed under: MEXICAN, THE MONSTER JAM REPORT, WILLIAMSBURG | Leave a comment »
DAMN YO! This place is THE FUCKIN SHIT! There is NARY a SHITTY thing on the entire menu. I’m not jerking you around! All the ingredients they use are MAD FRESH – no old CRAP here. I can usually get a good sense of a Mexican joint by the chips and salsa and this place came out of the gate KICKING ASS AND TAKIN NAMES! The salsa was a total FUCKIN MONSTER JAM and the guacamole came DAMN CLOSE to being a MOTHERFUCKER, but couldn’t quite go there, have to just go ahead and say it’s a MONSTER (don’t wanna get ahead of myself). I had the enchiladas with green sauce and it was RIPPIN AZZ RIPPIN AZZ!!
Chips & Salsa – MONSTER JAM
Guacamole – MONSTER JAM
Chicken Tacos – MONSTER JAM
Ceviche – MONSTER JAM
Enchiladas w/Green Sauce – MONSTER JAM
Enchiladas w/Mole Sauce – Jam
Jam To Crap Score: 11/12 – *91.7%*
*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*
372 Graham Ave
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 782-8171
