X’IAN FAMOUS FOODSPosted: May 31, 2011 | Author: DJ MONSTER JAM | Filed under: CHINESE FOOD, EAST VILLAGE, THE MONSTER JAM REPORT | Leave a comment »
Ever since Tony ‘I DON’T NEED NO FUCKIN RESERVATIONS BOOZE FUNK SMELLING DIVORCED BUM’ Bourdain went to this hole in the ASS Chinese noodle joint in Flushing and blew a LOAD on this place, Xi’An Famous Foods has been spreading its seed like a HORNY TEENAGER. Every five seconds one of these SHITS pops up! AND WHY?! CUS IT’S FUCKING GOOD AS BALLS THAT’S WHY!
The noodles are SICK and they HAND PULL THEM SHITZ! If you want to set your bland cubicle on FUCKING FIRE, then set it off with some spicy lamb cumin noodles– THEY RULE HARD! The spicy and tingly beef is just as much of a RING STINGING FIRE BREATHER, but the tingle will make you go HMMMMM in the best possible way. The ‘burgers’ are a FIERCE, OH NO SHE DINNIT LOVECHILD of an arepa and a pulled pork sandwich (HIGH ASS MARKS FOR THE LAMB). THE STEWED OXTAIL is a FAT JOINT while the spicy and tingly lamb face salad FUCKING LAMB FACED MY SALAD. I wasn’t as into the cold skin noodles cus’ I keeps it hot in my house, but HANNIBAL GODDAMN LECTER said he had that shit with a nice Chianti and was lovin’ it. Not a true CRAPPNESS in sight.
Spicy Lamb Burger: MONSTER JAM
Stewed Pork Burger: Jam
Lamb Hand Ripped Noodles: Jam
Spicy and Tingly Beef Noodles: Jam
Oxtail Soup: MONSTER JAM
Lamb Face Salad: Jam
Cold Skin Noodles: Jam
Jam To Crap Score: 9/14 – *64.3%*
*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*
81 St. Marks Pl
New York, NY 10003
Review by: D. SCOTT SPINNEY