M SHANGHAI

Sitting in the heart of FUCK CITY, aka Williamsburg, is some actual TASTY ASS CHINESE FOOD! (Say what?!?!?) That man is never gonna leave his wife, am I right ladies?! Well, you might as well put some SICK ASS Chinese food, in your GRILLZ and GET YOURS!

To start with, just bend my ass over PRISON STYLE with these FUCKING dumplings. REGULAR ASS steamed or fried dumplings are the SHIT.  Go with the steamed seafood joints that come with the vinegar sauce they BUST OUT on the table. But if you really want to get all sexual in my throat, TRY THE SPICY WONTONS!!  They come with a peanut sauce you will want to ladle all over yourself and run through the streets screaming FUCK MY LIFE!@!!~

LEO’S DO NOT BE CRAPPIN’ ME-O Mu-Shu hot plate of Chinese fajitas is a STRAIGHT OUT THE BOX MOTHERFUCKER. The plum sauce that comes with it should be cut up into lines and snorted on a mirror in Bret Easton Ellis’s living room, it’s that freaking addictive.  Follow that up with the BEST FUCKIN LO MEIN I’VE EVER HAD, (DON’T FUCKIN CRAP’ ME  AROUND!! ) and your fat ass will be fartin’ out rainbows all the way out of FUCK CITY.

Steamed Vegetable Dumplings: Jam
Steamed Seafood Dumplings: MONSTER JAM
Steamed Pork Buns: Jam
Spicy Wontons: MONSTER JAM
Shanghai Lo Mein: MONSTER JAM
Homemade Beef Stew: Jam
Mu-Shu: MOTHERFUCKER
Regular Lo Mein: MONSTER JAM
Mixed Vegetables: Jam

Jam To Crap Score: 14/18 – *77.7%*

*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*

292 Grand St
Brooklyn, NY 11211

(718) 384-9300

Review by: D. SCOTT SPINNEY

 

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